So I recently decided to try my hand at Isagenix. For many reasons it seemed like something I wanted to try. I’m very happy I did. It’s been very eye opening for me. In the one short week I have been on the program I’ve learned I don’t eat enough meals. I have reconnected with unlimited non starchy veggies. I always forget just how much you can eat for little calories when you are filling up on veggies. I feel very energized especially when I take the little shot in the morning. I learned the importance of being organized. And most importantly I’ve always learned that no matter what I will never ever consider giving up coffee. I love it too much, it calms me down and saves me from 1000 calories binges at stressful times.

One of my favorite reasons for being a human guinea pig for diet and weight loss plans is that I always have an epiphany. My epiphany thus far is that I never realized how much anxiety comes along with trying to be healthy.

The combo of Fall + Isagenix brought me to this discovery.

I love fall. I love everything about fall, including every fall stereotype. I love holidays in general so Halloween gets me very excited. For the 10 years I’ve known my husband we’ve shared a love for holiday things. Apple picking, pumpkin picking, decorating ginger bread houses. You name it, we love it. Elf on the Shelf is our new favorite obsession. (If any of our guy friends are reading this…don’t act like Sean’s the only loser who adores this stuff….I’ve seen all your girlfriends instagrams)

In the spirit of Halloween, a group of our friends were on an email chain this past week planning our Halloween outing. As we were deciding which haunted house we wanted to go to this upcoming weekend I started getting very excited which meant I was feeling warm and fuzzy thinking about the large bag of kettle corn and fried oreos that I always eat at the place that has the haunted hay ride.  That’s when the anxiety set in…I can’t have kettle corn and fried oreos when I just committed to a month of Isagenix, I thought. Followed by, Is there any point of going if I won’t be eating these treats?!

No but seriously, how bad of a depression sets in when you realize you “cant” eat something like this?  Especially since every holiday brings happiness in the form of food.

So in thinking about the food at my fall outing combined with my commitment to Isagenix I felt kind of hopeless. I feel that I’m depressed if I can’t eat, but I’m depressed if I eat too much.

I think there was a movie quote where a character said, “I eat because I’m unhappy. I am unhappy because I eat.” Austin Powers if my memory serves me correctly. If it’s a movie I don’t cry in, it’s usually hard for me to remember it. I digress.

Back to this catch 22 we all constantly live in. We are unhappy because we cannot eat. We are unhappy when we eat. And it’s a constant battle. Weekend after weekend, month after month. If it’s not the haunted hay ride this weekend, it’s the conference I have next weekend where I am going to want to sit in my hotel room eating licorice with my friend. And if it’s not that it’s actually Halloween next weekend where I’ll want to sit and eat peanut butter cups while I pass out candy to trick or treaters. Then it will be pumpkin pie at thanksgiving, cookies at Christmas & so on. These nostalgic treats are what makes life, life and for that I’m very thankful.

My goal in life is to actually find solutions to these problems. And since I haven’t finished my nutrition degree yet, unfortunately I can’t give the scientific answer about how one fried Oreo will actually affect your weight loss.

What’s the solution?And if you even dare tell me to pack my own snacks for the haunted hay ride and/or fill up on low calorie foods like celery I may actually blow my brains out. Why? Because a small 100 calorie zip lock bag of popcorn in my purse to eat while all my friends are enjoying kettle corn in unlimited portion sizes will actually make me wish I didn’t go. There is nothing worse than being an outcast when trying to eat healthy. Nothing.worse. And if you are anything like me and have spent your whole life trying to lose weight then you have also spent your entire life trying to hide the fact that you are trying to lose weight. And sure, I can go and not eat any of these things, but that’s not the solution either. When you do that you spend more time  watching the clock, waiting for the night to be over because then you feel you are in the clear. That’s not fun either.

The solution: Similar to a rubix cube, we have to constantly find a way where our desires match up with our emotions and our needs.

We desire the kettle corn and the Fried Oreos, we emotionally crave them enjoy life, yet we need to feel in control of our health so we aren’t angry at ourselves later.

It’s hard too to say just eat a little, that’s VERY hard for many of us. If we knew how to do that our whole lives we probably wouldn’t be here. We each need to find our threshold for food. I’m working on that now. That line that YOU can cross and still love yourself. You may still love yourself after two Oreos, but after 3, 4 & 5 you change to hate. That’s your threshold. You may love yourself after a slice of pumpkin pie but you may hate yourself if after the pumpkin pie you grab a handful of pumpkin spice M&Ms. And it will take trial and error for us all to find our threshold. But when we do, we’ll hopefully slow down the fluctuations because mostly likely your threshold won’t affect the scale. But more importantly the scale won’t matter if how you feel about yourself doesn’t change. On that note, off to get a pumpkin spice latte

Shadybrook Farms! My favorite Kettle Corn!