Anytime we hear of someone with any sort of body images, eating issues, eating disorders, food addictions, etc. we assume something happened to them when they were a child. We assume this problem stems from something negative in our upbringing. We look for something or someone to blame. Much of what society teaches us is that there is a definitive reason why we battle the scale. Things like not having a supportive family or a mother who commented when her daughter gained a few pounds. For the most part, all negative things stemming from an unstable upbringing or troubled childhood. I cannot say that is true for me. Not one single thing. I had the best upbringing with the most loving and supportive parents and family. For that, I feel truly lucky.

And sure, I know everyone is not that lucky, terrible things do happen to people and weight can serve as a protective barrier. And starvation can serve as a form of control when your world feels out of your control.

But for many of us women, we fall in a very gray area.We don’t  have what society considers a full blown eating disorder since we are not super thin or super obese;  so we ignore our struggles. We keep it hidden deep down in a dark place and hope one day we wake up and it’s gone.  I think that’s why it took me so long to conquer this, I looked normal, my family was normal, and I knew I didn’t have a full blown eating disorder.

But then why did I go on my first diet was I was 9. I was overweight as a child, yes and I was called fat on the bus, yes. But truth be told, I think my disordered eating is just because, no reason, it’s just part of me. And that’s ok.

That’s why this blog is so important to me, because millions of us are here in that gray area, keeping our struggles to ourselves. Let’s embrace the gray area together and make it a brighter color, like purple or mint green. We are NOT the number on the scale. We are not our jeans size. That’s liberating!