Let me tell you about my morning; I woke up at 7:00 am and by 8:00 am I had a pounding headache and was yawning uncontrollably. I took a nap from 8:00 am to 9:10 am on a car ride home from the shore. I resisted the temptation of getting Starbucks when my husband stopped, basically chaining myself to the car. Now, I am currently drinking a smoothie (coconut milk, flaxseeds, hemp seeds, whey protein, PB2 & date sugar).

How is this different than any other morning? Well, usually the minute I wake up, I walk to the kitchen and eat a piece of fruit. I make my way to a Starbucks within the first hour or so of waking up and get a triple shot drink. Then I eat breakfast. Then I want another Starbucks.

This morning I started a cleanse.  In the past four hours it’s already been a wake up call. Sounds dramatic, but I’ve been a little off the past couple weeks and I think it will be very beneficial.  Even though I know I have been in this funk, the cleanse wasn’t really premeditated. It just kind of started this morning and I’m running with it. My body and the universe pulled me in this direction. My moods, energy and overall well being are not in good balance. I’ve been crying a lot lately over big and little things. Everyone has their own definition of a cleanse. For me it’s eliminating processed and packaged foods and sugars, dairy, wheat and caffeine. Ideally two weeks, but I believe one will suffice.

It’s interesting how we all go through periods in our life where we slip back into old habits and it can lasts days, weeks and even months. I’m currently in that funk.  I’ve gone back to my old habits of grazing all day long and probably eating way more than I am aware of. I’m taking up to three trips to Starbucks a day. I’ve also started doing that thing where I make excuses for myself. “Oh it’s Skinny Pop so it’s fine that I eat the whole bag. Peanut butter has nuts so I’ll eat the whole jar.” I also haven’t been sleeping well. I know because I’ve been doing that thing where when I yawn, water comes out of my eyes.  In the interest of total transparency, I feel like I look a little extra squishy these days, which means I probably gained a couple pounds. 

How come when it rains, it pours? Why does it seem like everything downward spirals at the same time? I guess there wouldn’t be a popular saying if it wasn’t true. Speaking of cliche sayings… what comes first, the chicken or the egg? Am I feeling bad because I’m eating bad or am I eating bad because I’m feeling bad? Hmmmm.

Despite the fact that I know I don’t feel well, it’s hard to want to eat better and feel better and remove it from the want/need/obsession to lose weight. When you have any type of struggle with eating, dieting or body image, food just equals weight gain or weight loss. We don’t look at food as a means to fix our moods. We don’t look at food as a way to help us sleep  better or boost our energy or help us through a tough time.

I realized that the word “CLEANSE” has such a negative connotation. It sounds restrictive, scary, dramatic and a cry for help. Especially since it comes up after you type “HOW TO LOSE 30 POUNDS IN 3 DAYS” into your google search. It feels like a desperate times call for desperate measures type thing.

Plus, a cleanse is hard work. It feels like you’re trying to get through each day with a 20 pound tire on your back. It’s you starring in “The Little Engine That Could.” I think I can, I think I can. It takes planning, prep and maybe even a change of social plans.

So today, I vowed that my cleanse would be different. It wouldn’t be work, it would be pleasure. It would be a chance for me to reevaluate my relationship with me. It would be time and energy to reconnect with me. A chance to cleanse my mind at the same time I cleanse my body. And most importantly, let myself feel entitled to my feelings.

Even though a cleanse makes you feel worse at first, that’s just “the bad” leaving your body. A caffeine headache isn’t a sign of withdrawal, it’s a way of the universe getting your attention and telling you to stop ignoring something. A sugar craving is the universe putting you through training, getting you ready for a bigger challenge in life. A cleanse may start with food but it ends with your soul.

Until we meet again, Starbucks

Oh BTW: Shameless plug: I will be documenting my cleanse on instagram @mondaydieter

Feel free to follow along. AND maybe even join me <3