Goal Weight – the two most loaded  words in the English language if you ask me. Ask any women in the world right now what their goal weight is and a number pops into their head, clear as day.  It’s like this number is a part of us, part of who we are.  How did we determine this number? How did we settle on it? How did it become “our number.” I actually cannot even tell you why “my number” is “my number,” but I know it’s “my number” Do you know why your goal weight is your goal weight? Do you know when your goal weight became your goal weight?  What happens when you get to that number? What changes? Do you change? Does life begin? Are you at the finish line?

What’s even crazier is this number is on lock down… only me to know! It’s my big secret!

My good friend at work, Ali, recently brought this to my attention. She asked why is it that woman can talk about anything & everything – the day our period starts, what it looks like, sex, constipation, and everything embarrassing that’s ever happened to us – yet, we can’t share our weight with anyone. Let alone share our goal weight. No way. It’s mine, all mine.

You play the game, “never have I ever” at a bachelorette party and everyone’s finger will go down for “never have I ever wanted to say my weight out loud.”

I used to think when I reached my goal weight, I’d feel better.  That every issue would disappear right along with the pounds. I would get there, stay there forever and life would be amazing.  So I’ve spent the last ten to fifteen years trying to reach this number. You’d think after putting in that much time to get there, I’d actually be there by now. Having this be “my number” is like putting a Hampton’s address on my license when I’ve never even visited the place.  I strive to be successful in everything I do, yet reaching this goal weight has been my life’s biggest failure.  I don’t even know what life is like at this number. What if I hate it there?

I have reached major milestones without being this number. I climbed in my career being 20 pounds heavier than that number. I got engaged at 20  pounds heavier than that number. I got married at 12 pounds heavier than that number. . And I’m here today at about 9 pounds heavier than that number.

Let’s take that one step further, hypothetically, if we did reach our goal weight, would we be satisfied? Or would we want more? Want to weigh less? Would we even be able to draw the line or would we just create a new goal?

And to be completely transparent, in writing this, I still haven’t completely let go of my goal weight. I succeed in sending it on vacation for a couple weeks but it always returns home. I  mean it’s been a part of me for so long, it would be like letting go of a part of me. I shiver at the thought of even letting it go. But I really wish I could & I really wish we all would.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s amazing to have goals. But I’m starting to wonder if the word goal even fits in front of the word weight. I don’t think it ever did. And I think that number maybe has been hurting us more than helping us. I long to separate those two words.

I didn’t know what to do. And I still don’t know how to completely let go of the notion of goal weight. I have toyed with throwing away the scale but I don’t want to throw away my scale, that lets the scale win this war. But I don’t want that goal weight to be such a big part of me. So even though I’m not the slightest bit crafty, I embarked on a little art project. Here are the results