Splitting the holidays stress is real.

It’s not the pumpkin pie that causes weight gain people, it’s just not. It’s the triggers that throws you into that pumpkin pie. And with Thanksgiving approaching this week, we all must anticipate our emotional eating triggers.

Here’s one of the biggest…splitting the holidays.

I was out to brunch with my girlfriends this weekend and we were talking about who was going where for the holidays. Most of us have kids now and that brings another added layer of logistics for plans. I was sad that in our conversation everyone equally addressed how stressful splitting the holidays between families was. No one wants to hurt anyone’s feelings. No one wants to leave anyone out or alone on the holidays. We were all focusing on who were were going to upset and not focusing on where we were going to be. So the holidays haven’t even begun and a constant feeling of guilt is overshadowing the season. And I know we aren’t the only people dealing with this. It doesn’t matter if you are married, single, divorced, a mom, a dad, a child, a sister, a brother, a best friend…we all have holiday guilt when it comes to the places we chose to celebrate each year. And that guilt makes us emotionally eat. And the anger that we have the guilt makes us emotionally eat. And the anger at ourselves because we are eating because of the anger makes us emotionally eat. That’s where the holiday weight gain comes in.

So let’s talk this out now,  because if we all talk more openly about how we feel over the holidays, we’re all going to be so darn thin because we aren’t going to eat these feelings!!

First, we must all accept that we all cannot be three places at once. So enjoy the moment and the place you are in that moment. Be thankful for the people who are at your table, not the people who aren’t at the moment. And before you put stress on a family member to attend, think of how hard there decision was. If a family member isn’t with you, it’s not because you aren’t loved. We are all so loved. We all love so many people. But we have to accept how hard splitting the holidays are for EVERYONE involved.

Second, think about yourself first. That sounds selfish but its actually the least selfish thing you can do. You have to think of what will make YOU happy over the holidays. If that means seeing your sister, but your sister cannot make it to your dinner then plan something special with her. If that means you opt out of a party because of the way the people there will make you feel, then honor that. Put yourself first.

And everyone…don’t over commit! Don’t over commit to plans. Don’t jam pack your holidays so much that you run yourself ragged. Don’t over commit to cooking or hosting. Offer to bring and do what you can. You don’t need to be the hero. And there is always SO much darn leftover food anyways. So if you only make the sweet potatoes this year, so be it. Tell someone else to make the stuffing.

When you wish someone else a happy holidays you mean it. But why not wish yourself a HAPPY holidays and honor your feelings so it truly is happy:)

Happy Monday!

I’ll be posting all holiday season about triggers than make us eat. Keep checking back <3

me, pink sweater, starbucks, window

Other holiday related posts you may like…

Why the holidays suck sometimes

How to NOT gain weight this holiday season

Diet Tips to eat better at Special Occasions

 

A new weight loss tip to clear the mind and reduce stress!

If you are staring in the mirror this morning in the same place you were last week…you may need a new weight loss tip.

Tell me if you relate to this scenario…

You currently weigh X, lets say that’s 147 pounds. And you want to weigh Y, lets say that’s 135 pounds. (Note these are completely made up numbers)

And the past year you’ve continued to weigh in at around X (147 pounds). Maybe you fluctuated up or down a few pounds  from X, but never made it anywhere close to Y (135 pounds)

And you’re so focused on getting to Y, that Y can fee like a huge pile of laundry you don’t have enough time or energy to fold so you leave it sitting in the dryer. For days. And then, if you’re like me, your dryer becomes your drawer and for the next week and you take what you need from the unfolded pile…still no energy to fold.

This is a current scenario for me. Both laundry & weight.  I’ve let myself become so completely fixated on my Y that I stay consistently at X. It hit me the other day, why haven’t I ever changed my goal weight?

So in our example, you weigh X (147 pounds) and you want to get to Y (135 pounds) but today you change Y to 142 pounds….the goal feels much more doable. And although that number may feel too high for comfort, think of how good you’ll feel if you just get there… after all you haven’t been to that number in god knows how long…

In anything we’re trying to accomplish, we should meet ourselves in the middle. We’re always stuck in an extreme all or nothing mentality. And that mentality is such a sneaky little sabotage.

Here’s another example, I say, “I’m going to do a 10 day cleanse” but by day 2 (sometimes hour 2) it feels so hard that I say to myself, there is no way I can do this for another 9 days. So I quit. What if we just said, I’m going to do a 1 day cleanse. And then reevaluate the next day. Maybe you just do a 3 day cleanse, but regardless, meet yourself in the middle. Put yourself in a position to succeed. You deserve that!!

Happy Monday!

 

 

 

Let your mind help you lose weight.

I often talk about how I talk to myself constantly throughout the day. Its something that has become essential to me as I build a healthy relationship with food and my body. SO today I thought, why not post, and give you an insight into my mind…

It occurred to me recently that a big part of  my self talk is asking myself this question ….WHY?

Let me give you some examples:

When I say to myself, “I need to lose weight” The follow up question is always, “WHY?” Why do you need to lose weight? Is it because you truly need to for health reasons or is it because you are trying to find control in your life? Or is it for another reason you are scared to admit out loud…ie: you’re seeing an someone and want to make them jealous or you’re going on a trip and want to look better on social media…

If I say to yourself, “I can’t stop overeating”…The follow up question is always, WHY? Why can’t I stop eating? Am I really hungry? Or am I eating my feelings? Did something trigger me? How can I deal with that instead of dealing with the food?

If I say to yourself, I need to start  a diet Monday…The follow up question should be…Why? Why do you need to go down this path AGAIN. Why didn’t it work for you last time?

We often let food and diets drive our decisions. But it’s important to remember that the way you eat and diet isn’t the problem that needs to be fixed. Our thinking and our feelings need to be evaluated. Once we do that, eating better and dieting healthier is a symptom.

Food for thought on this Monday:)

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Why I am not telling you how much I love you on your first birthday

Before becoming a mom the thing you hear most is, there is no love like the love you have for your child. Everyone talks about how much they love their child. I am no different, I love Penelope so much. And I talk about how much I love her to anyone who will listen. I put her into bed and then lay on my phone looking at pictures of her. I’m that in love too everyone.

But I want to talk about something no one talks about. It’s something that has been on my mind since the day I met my child. No one talks about how much your child loves you. They literally love us so much.

I realized early on, like most moms do, that she was in love with me. I was her comfort. I was her source of food. I was her calm. I was her everything. The way she looked at me  was an incredible feeling. There is a confidence a mother exudes when she reaches for her child. She knows that no matter what she will be able to comfort her child. These children give us this confidence because they love us.

The love my daughter, Penelope, showed for me started early on. She was a baby who didn’t sleep well anytime she was put down. Therefore, much of my maternity leave consisted of long naps on the couch together, snuggled as close together as possible. Things like the laundry had to wait. Things like showering had to wait. And I put everything on hold because she loved me.

Around 3 months, when I decided to leave her for the first time, I went to Starbucks to do some grad work. I felt like a limb was missing. I was aimlessly walking. I felt like I was floating. I was so light without you in my arms. You had become an extension of me and I let you because you loved me.

Around 5 months, when I was struggling to recognize my body in the mirror, you’d look at me with so much love. You didn’t see the extra pounds. You didn’t see my C-Section scar. You didn’t see the ripple of fat hanging over the scar. You didn’t see the boobs I couldn’t recognize. None of that mattered to you. You loved me as I was.

When I went back to work, you didn’t see my fear. You didn’t see my guilt. You didn’t see my stress. You had the same smile every time I walked in the door. You loved me.

Around 8 months, when you started the awful sleep regression for 10 weeks, I’d lay on the floor next to your crib and hold your hand through the bars. I’d lie there for hours. At one point, it felt like I would never sleep again. But I’d forgo all sleep to let you sleep because you loved me.

This morning, I brought you in our bed and you laid your whole cheek on mine to fall back asleep. And once again, I thanked you, for loving me.

So as your first birthday approaches, I don’t want to spend time telling you how much I love you. I want to thank you for loving me. Loving all my imperfections, perfectly. The love you have for me is the reason I have so much love for you.

Whether you’re a mom, or an aunt, or a sister, or a wife, or a best friend, or all of the above, when you think of yourself poorly look at yourself through someone else’s eyes. To them you’re perfect. They love you and because they love you, you should love yourself too.

Happy Monday!

P and me

I weighed myself on 10 different scales… here’s what happened

This is something I have been thinking about doing for a very long time. The scale is something I get asked about more than anything else. It’s shrouded in mystery. When it’s too high or doesn’t move we question it’s accuracy. When it’s too low or too good to be true, again, we question its accuracy. We weigh more on certain scales and less on certain scales and it drives us nuts thinking which one is right. And to make matters worse, everyone knows that every single ounce counts.

The scale is something we fear. The scale is something we hate. Yet most of us just can’t stop getting on it day after day and letting the number weigh us down.

So will we ever know which scale is the most accurate?! Will we ever REALLY know how much we weigh? I wanted to find out any information I could so I set up an experiment. First, I had to get ten scales. Since I was hosting a brunch for my sister with my aunt this past weekend, I asked everyone coming to kindly bring their scale (nothing to do with the brunch I assured them).

First: I wanted to answer the question: Why do I weigh so much more at the doctors’ office or an afternoon weigh in? So I weighed myself for one week, every morning, and was the exact same weight. When it was time for the experiment, around noon, on that same scale, I weighed 3 pounds more. I was dressed, I had coffee and cereal. I had also gone to the gym. So that just proves that you DO weigh more as the day progresses. It doesn’t mean one scale is more accurate than another.

Then, I lined up all 10 scales and stepped on them one after another. I recored each weight. I used  my bathroom scale as scale 1, the point of reference, because it’s what I weigh myself on.

Here’s what happened:

 

Scale 1: My scale, my weight (or so I believe)

Scale 2:  2.7 pounds less than my scale (easiest 2.7 pounds I ever lost!)

Scale 3:  The same as my scale

Scale 4: Up .3 pounds from my scale

Scale 5: Down .2 pounds from my scale

Scale 6: Back up .4 pounds from my scale

Scale 7: Up 1 pound from my scale

Scale 8: The same as my scale

Scale 9: Up 2 whole pounds from my scale!

Scale 10: The same as my scale

Right there we have enough proof that no scale is “right” or “wrong.”

Then at the suggestion of one of the scale owner’s husbands, I put a 45 pound weight on each scale. The rationale, whichever scale read 45 pounds was the most accurate scale. Well guess what…NOT A SINGLE SCALE WEIGHED 45 POUNDS. The scales  ranged from 44.5 pounds to to 45.8 pounds.

AND the scale that the 45 pound weight was heaviest on wasn’t the same scale I was the heaviest on…

I’m not a scientist but I am someone who let the number on the scale rule over them for way to long. So let’s take the power back from the scale. It currently takes up too much head space that we don’t have room for. That number doesn’t define us. It never did and it never will. Happy Monday!

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Read more of my scale experiments:

I Weighed Myself Every 16 Hours…Here’s What Happened

Clearing up Water Weight Confusion

Making Peace With The Scale

 

I don’t have time to be perfect.

This past week I decided I wanted to wear a pair of jean shorts I had. A pair I assumed fit. Bad assumption, they didn’t fit. Frustrated, annoyed and horrified, I took them off, threw them on my bed and resorted to the same pair of floral drawstring shorts I’ve been wearing all summer. I left on my extremely clashing, also floral, kimono and threw my hair in a pony tail. Because I didn’t have time to straighten it. Penelope was screaming.

Later in the day, in the shower, I was still stirring over the darn jean shorts not fitting. I started internally beating up on myself. Why don’t you eat better, make more time for the gym, wake up earlier, cook more meals, be more organized, be better at sunday prep. All these things you could be doing better to look better and make your jean shorts fit better and you haven’t. I then started making the game plan to get into these shorts, essentially punishing myself. I’m never going to eat bad again, I’m going to gym everyday. Maybe i’ll do a three day juice cleanse. Maybe I’ll just drink water for the rest of my life. Irrational and extreme planning that always happens in times of frustration. This extreme planning happens because we’re trying to make up for lost time. Then we think of all the time we’ve  spent desiring to look a certain way and have many hours, days, weeks and years that have passed and we still don’t look that way. We still have clothes that don’t fit. Body imperfections. A scale that reads higher than the height and weight charts say we should be. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve collected up many positive changes along the way, we’re healthier, stronger,  but we still don’t look “perfect.” So why is this? Why can’t we just put in the time, to make the extreme changes that will lead us to the perfect body we desire?

Well because frankly, we don’t have time. None of us. We literally don’t have time. Sure I can wake up and go to the gym every morning but right now, I’m choosing to breast feed and that’s my time to pump. Sure I can drink a healthy smoothie every morning for breakfast, but that means I have to chop up 6 fruits and veggies, then clean the cutting board and counter I’ve made a mess of and clean the blender. That’s the 20 minutes I’m laying on the floor playing with my daughter before work. Yes I can eat a salad everyday for lunch. But again, when it means I have to take out the lettuce, cut it up, clean the cutting board, pull chicken off the rotisserie chicken to put in the salad, get out my measuring spoon to measure dressing, I’m adding another 20 minutes to my morning prep, forgoing my shower and clean hair. Ok so wake up earlier everyone says, but no, because sleep is JUST as important. And when I don’t sleep I’m falling asleep at my desk by 2 pm. So then I think well maybe after work I can be more productive with my health, get to the gym, meal prep. But again, that’s the time I chose to work on my schoolwork, spend time with my husband, catch up with friends, do a little extra work.

My point is, we all have to constantly make decisions in our lives about where to spend our time. Unfortunately perfection when it comes to how we look and what we weigh isn’t a priority. If we’re all wearing one size bigger than we want, weigh 20 pounds more than we want, have more cellulite than we’d like but have more time with our kids, friends, work and our passion projects then that’s ok. We don’t have time to be perfect. None of us. It’s a great aspiration or WANT to be perfect but all we NEED is progress. Progress is happiness, not perfection. We can’t achieve perfection, we don’t need to achieve perfection. We’re all perfectly imperfect.

Happy Monday!

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Here’s me, hot mess express over here!