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Why I became successful keeping a New Year’s resolution once I stopped trying to lose weight…

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Happy New Year, Readers! Thanks for stopping by today! It’s been a while since I posted. In June I started working on a new amazing daytime talk show called The Mel Robbins Show. If you haven’t seen it yet, please take a look! As I focused on launching this amazing new show, I focused my attention on work, being a mom and continuing my degree and put this happy place of mine, Monday Dieter, on hiatus. But I missed you! I hope you didn’t miss me too much. I had a couple weeks off from work and was inspired to write.

My inspiration to write came as I was leaving the grocery store today. I went to the grocery store to get ingredients for a three bean turkey chili i was making for the first time. I was making this because my New Year’s resolution this year is to try and cook more. I even quantified the resolution so I had a roadmap. 1 new recipe per week. So essentially 52 new recipes this year. Literally recipes could be as simple as “a baked potato.” Because that’s something I’ve never ever attempted to cook before. Not complicated but the payout for me was huge.

Well it’s 5 days into the New Year and I am already 5 recipes in, that’s how much I am enjoying this resolution. As I walked out of the grocery store today with my bag of ingredients, I wondered when New Year’s resolutions became fun for me and actually achievable. Then I knew the exact moment, it happened about 5 years ago when my New Year resolutions stopped being “to lose weight.” That was my resolution for WAY too many years. And I always took this to the extreme. I will never eat sugar again, Id convince myself on Dec. 31. I will never eat a processed food ever again, I will lose 700 pounds this year and all my problems will begin to be solved the minute the clock strikes midnight. I always woke up on New Year’s day with a little hope and a whole lot of dread. That’s because I lived my whole life in two settings. Setting 1, eating a salad with 3 oz. of grilled chicken and 1 tbsp. of salad dressing for diner or setting 2, 7 slices of pizza, a sleeve of Oreos, a bag of candy and a small child.

When I stopped living in those two settings, I also stopped making extreme New Year’s resolutions. When I stopped making extreme New Year’s resolutions I stopped failing at every resolution. Resolutions became fun and actually beneficial to life when I was actually able to do them. About 4 years ago a resolution of mine was to start a face washing anti-aging regime a couple days a week since I was never consistent. It’s now a part of my daily life. It was easy to achieve, I didn’t dread it and I loved the results. One year it was to floss 3 days a week (don’t judge) and I’ve been flossing for 3 years now.

So today, if you are reading this and have already given up on your resolution, I encourage you to change it to something more achievable, more realistic and more doable. If it feels exhausting, it’s too extreme. Everyone talks about setting your standards high. When it comes to making a change, I disagree. Set your standards low and exceed your own damn expectations. And reevaluate constantly. If its not working, change it, tweak it, make SOMETHING work for you, anything. “Losing weight,” “getting healthy,” “being successful at work,” these are NOT resolutions, these are generic statements with no game plan. Resolve to a portion of your plan that leads you to who you want to be in 2020. This will change your year! I promise!

Happy Monday!

Splitting the holidays stress is real.

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It’s not the pumpkin pie that causes weight gain people, it’s just not. It’s the triggers that throws you into that pumpkin pie. And with Thanksgiving approaching this week, we all must anticipate our emotional eating triggers.

Here’s one of the biggest…splitting the holidays.

I was out to brunch with my girlfriends this weekend and we were talking about who was going where for the holidays. Most of us have kids now and that brings another added layer of logistics for plans. I was sad that in our conversation everyone equally addressed how stressful splitting the holidays between families was. No one wants to hurt anyone’s feelings. No one wants to leave anyone out or alone on the holidays. We were all focusing on who were were going to upset and not focusing on where we were going to be. So the holidays haven’t even begun and a constant feeling of guilt is overshadowing the season. And I know we aren’t the only people dealing with this. It doesn’t matter if you are married, single, divorced, a mom, a dad, a child, a sister, a brother, a best friend…we all have holiday guilt when it comes to the places we chose to celebrate each year. And that guilt makes us emotionally eat. And the anger that we have the guilt makes us emotionally eat. And the anger at ourselves because we are eating because of the anger makes us emotionally eat. That’s where the holiday weight gain comes in.

So let’s talk this out now,  because if we all talk more openly about how we feel over the holidays, we’re all going to be so darn thin because we aren’t going to eat these feelings!!

First, we must all accept that we all cannot be three places at once. So enjoy the moment and the place you are in that moment. Be thankful for the people who are at your table, not the people who aren’t at the moment. And before you put stress on a family member to attend, think of how hard there decision was. If a family member isn’t with you, it’s not because you aren’t loved. We are all so loved. We all love so many people. But we have to accept how hard splitting the holidays are for EVERYONE involved.

Second, think about yourself first. That sounds selfish but its actually the least selfish thing you can do. You have to think of what will make YOU happy over the holidays. If that means seeing your sister, but your sister cannot make it to your dinner then plan something special with her. If that means you opt out of a party because of the way the people there will make you feel, then honor that. Put yourself first.

And everyone…don’t over commit! Don’t over commit to plans. Don’t jam pack your holidays so much that you run yourself ragged. Don’t over commit to cooking or hosting. Offer to bring and do what you can. You don’t need to be the hero. And there is always SO much darn leftover food anyways. So if you only make the sweet potatoes this year, so be it. Tell someone else to make the stuffing.

When you wish someone else a happy holidays you mean it. But why not wish yourself a HAPPY holidays and honor your feelings so it truly is happy:)

Happy Monday!

I’ll be posting all holiday season about triggers than make us eat. Keep checking back <3

me, pink sweater, starbucks, window

Other holiday related posts you may like…

Why the holidays suck sometimes

How to NOT gain weight this holiday season

Diet Tips to eat better at Special Occasions

 

I really think we should banish the phrase goal weight.

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If you are staring in the mirror this morning in the same place you were last week…you may need a new weight loss tip.

Tell me if you relate to this scenario…

You currently weigh X, lets say that’s 147 pounds. And you want to weigh Y, lets say that’s 135 pounds. (Note these are completely made up numbers)

And the past year you’ve continued to weigh in at around X (147 pounds). Maybe you fluctuated up or down a few pounds  from X, but never made it anywhere close to Y (135 pounds)

And you’re so focused on getting to Y, that Y can feel like a huge pile of laundry you don’t have enough time or energy to fold so you leave it sitting in the dryer. For days. And then, if you’re like me, your dryer becomes your drawer and for the next week and you take what you need from the unfolded pile…still no energy to fold.

This is a current scenario for me. Both laundry & weight.  I’ve let myself become so completely fixated on my Y that I stay consistently at X. It hit me the other day, why haven’t I ever changed my goal weight?

So in our example, you weigh X (147 pounds) and you want to get to Y (135 pounds) but today you change Y to 142 pounds….the goal feels much more doable. And although that number may feel too high for comfort, think of how good you’ll feel if you just get there… after all you haven’t been to that number in god knows how long…

In anything we’re trying to accomplish, we should meet ourselves in the middle. We’re always stuck in an extreme all or nothing mentality. And that mentality is such a sneaky little sabotage.

Here’s another example, I say, “I’m going to do a 10 day cleanse” but by day 2 (sometimes hour 2) it feels so hard that I say to myself, there is no way I can do this for another 9 days. So I quit. What if we just said, I’m going to do a 1 day cleanse. And then reevaluate the next day. Maybe you just do a 3 day cleanse, but regardless, meet yourself in the middle. Put yourself in a position to succeed. You deserve that!!

Happy Monday!

I tried on the same size pair of jeans at every store in the mall…Here’s what happened!

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If you are like me you have spent your whole life trying to find the perfect pair of jeans. Anyone who says jeans are comfortable, in my mind, can’t be trusted. I actually dread putting jeans on every morning. The first thing I do when I get home from work is walk to my room and take my jeans off. THE. FIRST. THING. Furthermore, we all say that size doesn’t matter but no one can deny that it does affect us emotionally. That’s why I did my own social experiment in vanity sizing. My friend Sarah dropped me off at the mall & I walked the entire perimeter of both floors and stopped in every store I’d typically buy jeans in. I picked up the same size pair of jeans at each store. To keep things somewhat consistent, the jeans I tried on in each store were the pair on the table in the front of the store. My rationale, those were the jeans I’d probably want since they are the most in style. I picked up the jean wash in all, no whites or blacks or colored jeans. I proceeded to the dressing room & tried each on. I took pictures & notes. Here’s what happened!

(Ranked below in order of “Fit” to “I can’t get these jeans up over my knees”)

Forever 21: Fit, would purchase.

Charlotte Russe: Fit, would purchase.

NY & Co: Fit, would purchase

Banana Republic: Fit, but snug, would purchase BUT would need to wear a flowy top to hide the slight muffin top.

J-Crew: Fit, but snug, would need bigger size if I was going to purchase & wear comfortably.

Express: Zipped, tiny muffin top, would need 1 size bigger if I was going to purchase.

American Eagle: Zipped, but major major muffin top, major wiggle dance to get in them. I would need 2 sizes bigger if I was going to purchase.

Holister: MADE IT HALFWAY UP MY BUTT. That’s it. Would have been a major rip IF I had continued. Would need at least 2 sizes up if I was going to purchase.

Aeropostale: Nope, not gonna zip. Would need at least 2 sizes bigger if I was going to purchase

Gap: DIDN’T EVEN MAKE IT PAST MY HIPS. LEGIT stopped. I would need 3 sizes bigger if I was going to purchase- This was shocking to me!!!

These results aren’t shocking.  We all know that jeans fit us all so differently. And in no way is this a scientifically controlled experiment. It’s the real and raw reality of jean shopping. It’s a glimpse at just how frustrating it is to shop for jeans. How hard we work to find the perfect fit. How much money we spend on a pair of jeans that look good. And how often we DO think of that size. We often buy the smaller size as “motivation” to lose weight which is the most stressful thing we can do to ourselves. We often squeeze ourselves into the smaller size just so we know we are wearing the smaller size. And here’s what upsets me most, when you go try on jeans, if you’re like me, you always take the smaller size in hopes they fit. When they don’t, you subconsciously make a new goal to fit into those. It’s actually maddening. And we need to take back power of those tags.

I hope you think of this social experiment the next time you try on a pair of jeans and they don’t fit. There is literally only one reason I’d run around the mall trying on every pair, it’s because I feel so passionately about every woman ending the war they wage on their bodies. Remember, don’t blame yourself. As you can see from above, it’s NOT your fault that some jeans fit and some you can’t wiggle over your knees. You deserve more than to let a tiny number on the back of your pants determine your true value. And when all else fails, just f*cking wear leggings:)

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Here what to do if you ate too much

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MOVE ON!

Sometimes I have long drawn out posts written and then in my own life I’m thinking about how I feel personally and my post transitions into 2 simple words that I have to tell myself constantly… MOVE ON.

Move on from the self loathing, move on from the eating regret, move on from any and all extreme thinking of how to undo damage.

As I was driving home last night from my Superbowl party (which was highly documented on Instagram as my husband is the biggest Eagles fan ever) I was kind of beating myself up over what I had eaten that day. I had too many chips. One too many chocolate covered Oreos and then to keep myself awake on the drive home I polished off a bag of Twizzler’s Licorice Nibs that I keep in my glove compartment for “emergencies.” I feel the way we all feel after eating crap…like crap.

Physically feelings aside, the mental aspect is the hardest. That’s because in moments of eating regret we often look to a quick fix. We look to fix the damage we’ve done as soon as possible. We start thinking of fad diets and ways to starve ourselves the next day. We continue to beat ourselves up. Frankly, it’s exhausting. In those moments, I have to just say to myself, move on Nicole. You ate what you ate. Tomorrow is a new day and you will continue to do the best you can tomorrow. If you gained a pound, who cares. Literally who cares! You’re too good to be brought down by bad eating.

Move on. No need to dwell, nothing needs to be done, just enjoy this new day:)

Happy Monday!

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Images from Totallythebomb.com

 

Ever wonder exactly what your ideal weight is supposed to be? It might not be what you think.

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If you’re anything like me, you’ve designated a goal weight in your head and it’s been set in stone for as long as you can remember. I’ve literally had the same goal weight for 20 years. I haven’t been that weight since high school, yet, it’s still my goal weight. And every time I start a diet, the finish line is that number. In the rare case that I’ve been able to hit that number in my adult life, I stay there for roughly 6 seconds.

All of these things should be indications that this actually is NOT my ideal weight. But since I’ve built an irrational case for this number and settled on it. It actually haunts me. The same way any item on my to-do list haunts me. And since there is nothing more satisfying than checking something off our to-do list, if we could just check this off we’d feel more at ease. Accomplished.

Recently I really started to think about this number and I realized it was utterly arbitrary. It’s just a number that sounded good to me at one time in my life. But is it backed by anything? Is there any science to this number? Will I be any healthier at this number? Will my cravings suddenly dissipate at this number? Will all my emotional eating end at this number? Is there any guarantees for anything in life when I hit this number? Nope, Nope & Nope. So why does it exist? And what would happen if I changed that number to something higher. What would happen if instead of me trying to reach my goal, I let my goal reach me. Instead of me dictating what I should weigh, I let my body dictate that.

When we remind ourselves that we can do anything NOW that we can do at that number it takes the power away from the number. I can eat healthier at a higher weight, I can reach career goals at a higher weight, I can dress sexy and cute at a higher weight. I can be happy at a higher weight.

Think about this, you’re not a failure if you never hit that number. You’re a success if you rise above the number. Literally rise above. Pun actually intended.

Happy Monday!


✌🏽 peace out, “ideal weight”